Pain and Phlegm

My parents need to take a fuckin' tranquilizer or something, because they're getting all freaky about nothing. Now, understand this: Our house looks like nobody lives here. It's practically spotless. Everything is clean and there's no clutter except for in my room and the "TV Room", or my brothers lair. Every week, I am supposed to do some minor things, like vacuum the house and clean the bathrooms, and on a daily basis I'm supposed to walk our goddamn dog and do the dishes and blah blah blah. In return for this I get to live here for free. Not too bad, really.

Except, of course, that they freak out if anything is a little bit off. Like if I don't do something exactly on time, they get all indignant and pissy and make me mad. And if I do anything spontaneous their blob-like brains explode everywhere, because they're anal-retentive kidney-stone-causing doom-making fuck-for-brains.

In short: I can't wait for May, the month of liberation, when I can finally start to really look at leaving this hellhole forever. It's not so bad, really...it's not like I'm abused or deprived...I'm just bitter and they suck and we don't live together well.

As Kacie said: "Cut the cord, dude." It's time.

The following is a collection of the words to the music of Radiohead. I present them here with no permission but with a feeling that I should because they make me happy.

As it says, we are all accidents waiting to happen.

(The Boney King of Nowhere.)

In pitch dark
I go walking in
Your landscape
Broken branches
Trip me as I speak
Just because you feel it
Doesn't mean its there
Just because you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck
Steer away from these rocks
We'd be a walking disaster
Just because you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
Just because you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there

There there

Why so green
& lonely?
Heaven sent you to me

We are accidents
Waiting
Waiting to happen
We are accidents
Waiting
Waiting to happen

One last bit of thievery:

(The Sky is Falling in.)

There's a gap in between
There's a gap where we meet
Where I end & you begin
And I'm sorry for us
The dinosaurs roam the earth
The sky turns green
Where I end & you begin
I am up in the clouds
I am up in the clouds
And I can't
& I can't come down
I can watch but
Not take part
Where I end & where you start
where you you left me alone
You left me alone.
X will the mark the place
Like parting the waves
Like a house falling
into the sea

I will eat you all alive

And there'll be no more lies

I am, in fact, still alive and online. I have just been insanely busy lately, but that should change soon as vacation started today.

On an unrelated note, today I read the newspaper. It talked about a girl who is 16 years old, whose mother left her family with no warning or reason and whose landlord burned their trailer down in disgust because it was too filthy to rent out anymore. She's alone, mentally scarred, mocked by other children, and stuck in a part of the state that's too poor to grow. I then turned the page and saw Bush's face leering out at me. I wanted to puke because of the injustice. A monkey-man gets born into riches and steals his living and becomes a millionaire and a president...and a regular girl gets shit on her whole life.

I'm just sayin'.

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

If you read the backstory to this fellow, you'll all be vastly amused, especially by the hiring of men to jump out at me and yell "boo" in order to get me to bathe.

It's been some time since I did anything here. Bottom line, I haven't really had the time.

Lately, my mood has been getting increasingly grim. I don't know why, but I seem to have lost some of my drive. I think it's a reflection of a generally worse mood overall of late.

On the other hand, I have nothing really to complain about apart from the shit-for-mood. School is going relatively well, except a quiz today that I think I probably tanked. Oh well. Walter drops the lowest one...thank gods. Leah and I are doing well. The job is going fairly well. Actually, the bank pissed me off the other day. Apparently they revoked my debit card because I overdrew. That's not so bad. Overdrawing is bad and some sort of reprimand is fine. But the revoked it for 90 days, and they don't know who did it so they can't get it undone. And I get the impression that the lady I talked to...not the teller, she was helpful, but the account lady...didn't give a shit. Oh well. Worse things could happen, I suppose.

I think the sudden drop in ambition school-wise is because I really don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. Do I really want to stay in healthcare? I don't know. I think that's mostly my recent spate of terrible clinicals and my employment at what is...I'm sorry...a second-rate, underbudgeted hospital. I'm grateful for the job, because frankly nobody else is hiring students, but the hospital is old and drafty and dark, and it has an air of death. It feels like somewhere that people go mainly to die. It's creepy.

I dunno. It'll all work out, eventually. I snagged an undergrad application for USM today, and I've been thinking about what program to go into. Something with no real-world applications like perhaps philosophy sounds fascinating. I'd really like to move into something more abstract. But then, perhaps not. I really have no idea.

And as I typed that last sentance, it dawned on me that that's the problem: I don't even know anymore what I want to do, and it's bugging the hell out of me. I've always had some vague idea of what I wanted to do, but suddenly my grasp on that has slipped like a man coated in vaseline walking through a room of banana peels.

I leave you with that analogy.