Saturday, January 31, 2004
I got a little black book with my poems in
I got a bag, a toothbursh and a comb
When I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone in
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on
Got those swollen hand blues
I got thirteen channels of shit on the TV to choose from
I've got electric light
And I've got second sight
I got amazing powers of observation
And that is how I know
When i try to get through
on the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home
~Pink Floyd
I got a bag, a toothbursh and a comb
When I'm a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone in
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on
Got those swollen hand blues
I got thirteen channels of shit on the TV to choose from
I've got electric light
And I've got second sight
I got amazing powers of observation
And that is how I know
When i try to get through
on the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home
~Pink Floyd
I have spent the last two clinical days working nights at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in Portland. All I can say is that it was both "educational" and "horrific". I felt like I was in some strange dream, wandering between the isolettes (incubators) and watching the poor sick babies. Some of them were only 23 and a half weeks old. It's heartbreaking.
Anyways.
Today, however, I dedicated to the much more noble cause of sleep. While sleeping, I had a dream. It was very strange. I had to clean all the used coffee mugs out of my room, and there were thousands of them everywhere. I was gently placing them all in big garbage bags, and the soundtrack-yes, soundtrack- was a cross between "Astronomy Domine" by Pink Floyd and "Your horoscope for Today" by Weird Al. And the thing was, it was really really good.
Leah and I will be celebrating two years together soon. February 8. Instead of buying each other gifts we'd probably not have gotten, we went out together and picked stuff and bought it for each other. That way, I don't get her something hideous. There's not a lot that she'd pick for me that I'd not like, but I picked out a beautiful soapstone chessboard with funky pieces from Mexicali Blues. She got jewelry. Thanks, my love.
Lately, I've been living the night side of the clock. Those two clinicals were nights, and I have to work tomorrow night too. Although I am beginning to feel a little bit sick right now. I hope that's not going to translate--muscle aches, sore throat. I really really hope I don't have the fly. I've been exposed, though, numerous times. Uggh.
Correction: make that "the flu", not "the fly".
I love college. But I miss the old gang of guys and gals. Oh well. I'll see them all soon enough.
Leave me a comment or send me mail or something. I'd love some communication with the outside world, but I'm far too lazy to initiate it.
Anyways.
Today, however, I dedicated to the much more noble cause of sleep. While sleeping, I had a dream. It was very strange. I had to clean all the used coffee mugs out of my room, and there were thousands of them everywhere. I was gently placing them all in big garbage bags, and the soundtrack-yes, soundtrack- was a cross between "Astronomy Domine" by Pink Floyd and "Your horoscope for Today" by Weird Al. And the thing was, it was really really good.
Leah and I will be celebrating two years together soon. February 8. Instead of buying each other gifts we'd probably not have gotten, we went out together and picked stuff and bought it for each other. That way, I don't get her something hideous. There's not a lot that she'd pick for me that I'd not like, but I picked out a beautiful soapstone chessboard with funky pieces from Mexicali Blues. She got jewelry. Thanks, my love.
Lately, I've been living the night side of the clock. Those two clinicals were nights, and I have to work tomorrow night too. Although I am beginning to feel a little bit sick right now. I hope that's not going to translate--muscle aches, sore throat. I really really hope I don't have the fly. I've been exposed, though, numerous times. Uggh.
Correction: make that "the flu", not "the fly".
I love college. But I miss the old gang of guys and gals. Oh well. I'll see them all soon enough.
Leave me a comment or send me mail or something. I'd love some communication with the outside world, but I'm far too lazy to initiate it.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Props to Kacie for being on-line at all hours of the night. It's nice to have someone to talk to at one-thirty in the morning.
Bananas are dancing across my desk here at home. Wheee!
Bananas are dancing across my desk here at home. Wheee!
Matt brings up a good point about my NICU rotation in the previous entry's comment box. Thank you, Matt, for reminding me that maybe it's not all completely futile and icky.
I felt all warm and fuzzy inside, like I'd eaten a squirrel. Mmmmm. Squirrel.
So, anyway, lately I've been having a sort of long and drawn-out existential crisis. One of those horrific "Who am I and Why am I here?" things. But if that wasn't bad enough, I've had the perspective to ask myself the ultimate question: who cares? So even if I do find out my reason for being (beyond the biological reasons) and manage to understand myself, who cares?
I suppose that I would care about that, and since nobody else can really prove to me that they exist outside of my head, that's good enough. So there.
Anyway, I seem to have had some sort of a point here. But now I've lost it. Damn damn damn!
Oh well. Something about not quite understanding or fitting in with humanity at large. On a one-by-one basis, people can be quite charming; as a whole, people are STUPID STUPID STUPID!
I guess I'm just trying to cope with life. We all do it. I'm just crisis-ing about it.
I felt all warm and fuzzy inside, like I'd eaten a squirrel. Mmmmm. Squirrel.
So, anyway, lately I've been having a sort of long and drawn-out existential crisis. One of those horrific "Who am I and Why am I here?" things. But if that wasn't bad enough, I've had the perspective to ask myself the ultimate question: who cares? So even if I do find out my reason for being (beyond the biological reasons) and manage to understand myself, who cares?
I suppose that I would care about that, and since nobody else can really prove to me that they exist outside of my head, that's good enough. So there.
Anyway, I seem to have had some sort of a point here. But now I've lost it. Damn damn damn!
Oh well. Something about not quite understanding or fitting in with humanity at large. On a one-by-one basis, people can be quite charming; as a whole, people are STUPID STUPID STUPID!
I guess I'm just trying to cope with life. We all do it. I'm just crisis-ing about it.
Monday, January 26, 2004
I am enjoying my brand-spanky new TMBG CD muchly. The live version of "Birdhouse in your soul" is particularly good. And the Nick Cave CD that Kacie got me into. Especially the fire song. Yay for burning!
I have some clinical this week that I am not looking forward to gladly. I have to go to the Neonatal unit at Maine Med. And the little babies are so...sad. I don't even like babies. But these poor little buggers are premature, and have so many illnesses...it's so sad. I don't like it. And I have to do 12-hour nights there. Bleeeech.
Maybe if I catch the Flu I won't have to go. Of course, then I'd be all sick. But whatever.
Today was a typical day. Got up. Ate a bowl of cereal (accidentally wrote "bowel of cereal" first, which would be an excellent band name) and some juice and coffee. Put the dog out. Went to school, had a class, and then ate some food there, a grilled cheese and some really crappy fries. Then more class. Then home, mail, dog, monopoly with the brother, some wierd stuff for dinner that resembled innards, and then dishes and phone and bed. And this.
And now that I have wasted your brain cells with that useless information: Bedtime. After some procrastination.
I have some clinical this week that I am not looking forward to gladly. I have to go to the Neonatal unit at Maine Med. And the little babies are so...sad. I don't even like babies. But these poor little buggers are premature, and have so many illnesses...it's so sad. I don't like it. And I have to do 12-hour nights there. Bleeeech.
Maybe if I catch the Flu I won't have to go. Of course, then I'd be all sick. But whatever.
Today was a typical day. Got up. Ate a bowl of cereal (accidentally wrote "bowel of cereal" first, which would be an excellent band name) and some juice and coffee. Put the dog out. Went to school, had a class, and then ate some food there, a grilled cheese and some really crappy fries. Then more class. Then home, mail, dog, monopoly with the brother, some wierd stuff for dinner that resembled innards, and then dishes and phone and bed. And this.
And now that I have wasted your brain cells with that useless information: Bedtime. After some procrastination.
Saturday, January 24, 2004
I'm noticing a disturbing pattern in my life:
All I ever do is wake up, eat some stuff, do some other stuff, and then go back to sleep. Often for 10 to 12 hours, if I can.
This seems to suggest to me that there's at least 6 or 7 wasted hours of my day. I mean, ideally, I could sleep for like 18 hours at a time and then eat some stuff, maybe take a nice shower and a relaxing walk, and then go back to sleep. Some days, I could get up and do stuff; but by and large, why bother? Stuff, generally, requires some sort of effort and frankly I'd rather just wander around in the little world I've constructed in my own head.
Although, I suppose I could easily do stuff while still living in my own head. That sounds like quite a plan.
My goal here is to have more content and less....um...no-content. So I will summarize my day to you:
10:45 AM: Woke up due in part to a large explosion outside of my house. Yawned. Took a shower.
11:15 AM: Thought seriously about eating some breakfast. Instead, took the dog for a walk.
11:45 AM: One hour since awakening. More sleep required. Ate a bagel.
12:00 PM: Left house with goal of getting to LL Bean in Freeport. Vaguely remembered some sort of directions including route 136, or possibly a price tag or something.
7:00 PM: Returned home with new purchases and girlfriend. Evicted brother from "TV Room" and watched a movie.
10:30 PM: Came upstairs. Made some calls. Got online.
11:00-Present: Something involving the fecund loins of rum and monkey, located for you readers at the page linked to on your left.
I am noticing that today seems to have had rather a lot of time. Perhaps we could extend the day so I could sleep more. I've been sleeping lots lately. But it's okay; sleep is my friend. Mom thinks it's because I've been working night shifts and not sleeping enough during the week, when school's in; I suspect that she may be right. But night shift = good money, so I can live with that.
Leah and I visited a former textile mill in Lewiston today. The room we visited was probably 80 feet wide by 500 feet long or so, and it was filled wall-to-wall with books. Apparently, these guys have been collecting books for some time at yard sales and stuff, and are now selling them for 50 cents a pop. I left with an armload of great books; not neccesarily in great condition, but readable. I was quite happy. Books are fun.
Time for pretend-bed. Good day.
All I ever do is wake up, eat some stuff, do some other stuff, and then go back to sleep. Often for 10 to 12 hours, if I can.
This seems to suggest to me that there's at least 6 or 7 wasted hours of my day. I mean, ideally, I could sleep for like 18 hours at a time and then eat some stuff, maybe take a nice shower and a relaxing walk, and then go back to sleep. Some days, I could get up and do stuff; but by and large, why bother? Stuff, generally, requires some sort of effort and frankly I'd rather just wander around in the little world I've constructed in my own head.
Although, I suppose I could easily do stuff while still living in my own head. That sounds like quite a plan.
My goal here is to have more content and less....um...no-content. So I will summarize my day to you:
10:45 AM: Woke up due in part to a large explosion outside of my house. Yawned. Took a shower.
11:15 AM: Thought seriously about eating some breakfast. Instead, took the dog for a walk.
11:45 AM: One hour since awakening. More sleep required. Ate a bagel.
12:00 PM: Left house with goal of getting to LL Bean in Freeport. Vaguely remembered some sort of directions including route 136, or possibly a price tag or something.
7:00 PM: Returned home with new purchases and girlfriend. Evicted brother from "TV Room" and watched a movie.
10:30 PM: Came upstairs. Made some calls. Got online.
11:00-Present: Something involving the fecund loins of rum and monkey, located for you readers at the page linked to on your left.
I am noticing that today seems to have had rather a lot of time. Perhaps we could extend the day so I could sleep more. I've been sleeping lots lately. But it's okay; sleep is my friend. Mom thinks it's because I've been working night shifts and not sleeping enough during the week, when school's in; I suspect that she may be right. But night shift = good money, so I can live with that.
Leah and I visited a former textile mill in Lewiston today. The room we visited was probably 80 feet wide by 500 feet long or so, and it was filled wall-to-wall with books. Apparently, these guys have been collecting books for some time at yard sales and stuff, and are now selling them for 50 cents a pop. I left with an armload of great books; not neccesarily in great condition, but readable. I was quite happy. Books are fun.
Time for pretend-bed. Good day.
Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
You can laugh at the silly superstitions of the religious, safe in the knowledge that we are only dust and lies. All that will be left of you after you die is a slow decay and some fading memories in the minds of your friends. Hope you're enjoying your life at the moment- there's nothing better to come.
A really romantic date to me would be sitting on a grassy hillside, with starry skies overhead, with my arm around somebody I love, watching as the world burned to the ground around us.
Why, you ask? Because: It's easier to love someone when you're outside in the real world, in the natural setting. It's easier to think it'll be forever when the stars are out. And when civilization is burning to the ground all around you, you know you won't have to worry about tomorrow.
What more could you ask for? Beautiful skies; beautiful love; and no reason to be worried about anything ever again. It's really the perfect scenario.
Why, you ask? Because: It's easier to love someone when you're outside in the real world, in the natural setting. It's easier to think it'll be forever when the stars are out. And when civilization is burning to the ground all around you, you know you won't have to worry about tomorrow.
What more could you ask for? Beautiful skies; beautiful love; and no reason to be worried about anything ever again. It's really the perfect scenario.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Try this out. http://www.selectsmart.com/president/
My Results:
1. Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%) Click here for info
2. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (87%) Click here for info
3. Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat (83%) Click here for info
4. Socialist Candidate (82%) Click here for info
5. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (81%) Click here for info
6. Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat (80%) Click here for info
7. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (76%) Click here for info
8. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (73%) Click here for info
9. Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat (46%) Click here for info
10. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (39%) Click here for info
11. Libertarian Candidate (23%) Click here for info
12. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (8%) Click here for info
13. Bush, President George W. - Republican (5%) Click here for info
My Results:
1. Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%) Click here for info
2. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (87%) Click here for info
3. Kucinich, Rep. Dennis, OH - Democrat (83%) Click here for info
4. Socialist Candidate (82%) Click here for info
5. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (81%) Click here for info
6. Clark, Retired General Wesley K., AR - Democrat (80%) Click here for info
7. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (76%) Click here for info
8. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (73%) Click here for info
9. Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat (46%) Click here for info
10. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (39%) Click here for info
11. Libertarian Candidate (23%) Click here for info
12. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (8%) Click here for info
13. Bush, President George W. - Republican (5%) Click here for info
Saturday, January 03, 2004
First, let me thank many people who have been cool lately.
Thanks to my love Leah, who has been putting up with me and making life fun since almost two years ago.
Thanks to my friends, all back from college now, who have made this break one of the best ever. This includes in alphabetical order Casey, Chad, Christy (not back from college but oh well), Kacie (back from a prolonged absence also), Kara, Matt, Molly, Nick, and Zacq. If I've forgotten anybody...forgive me.
So, I was writing for Evilgrin when this little gem popped out:
Based on my own life experience, and also on my own brand of "reasoning", I have reached the conclusion that people who expect us to get married and pop out a couple of whining little maggots right away are simply regretful pricks who only want us to share the pain.
I will qualify this by saying this is not always the case, but it seems to be in a fair number of cases. I do, in fact, have a longer and more thought-out entry forthcoming, but it'll be a while.
Thanks to my love Leah, who has been putting up with me and making life fun since almost two years ago.
Thanks to my friends, all back from college now, who have made this break one of the best ever. This includes in alphabetical order Casey, Chad, Christy (not back from college but oh well), Kacie (back from a prolonged absence also), Kara, Matt, Molly, Nick, and Zacq. If I've forgotten anybody...forgive me.
So, I was writing for Evilgrin when this little gem popped out:
Based on my own life experience, and also on my own brand of "reasoning", I have reached the conclusion that people who expect us to get married and pop out a couple of whining little maggots right away are simply regretful pricks who only want us to share the pain.
I will qualify this by saying this is not always the case, but it seems to be in a fair number of cases. I do, in fact, have a longer and more thought-out entry forthcoming, but it'll be a while.
